MAMA - That's me yelling, not the girls

As Red, from The Shawshank Redemption, said about Andy Dufresne's first night in the slammer:

That was the longest night of his life.

It wasn't exactly the longest day or night of my life, but it sure felt like it. 

Mama was getting out of the house for some much needed social time last night, and Papa got to put the girls down for the night by himself.  It wouldn't have been that bad, but we're in the middle of transitioning to one nap, so they just didn't bank enough sleep yesterday. 

That by itself is not a bad thing - I can handle sleepy and fussy babies. 

I have about four things I can do to entertain them, and typically one of those four will work.  I had all my best tricks ready to go, but I didn't plan on more difficulties.

Plan one:  Play with toys.  We'd been doing that all day so they were not eager to continue that.  Mama had also been gone during the day, so they were a little sick of my entertainment.  Plan one = fail.

Plan two:  Read some books.  Again, we'd been rotating books and toys all day, so that was met with a less than enthusiastic response.  Plan two = fail.

Plan three:  Go for a walk.  Aaahhh.  This worked wonderfully - for about ten minutes.  You see, the one thing I failed to count on was the weather.  We've been lacking rain for so long I forgot what it felt like - until we were at the farthest reach of our estate and it came bursting forth.  That means we were about 25 yards from the back door.  The rain came fast, hard, and cold. 

Both Brynne and Hadley were moving their hands up and down as they squinted at me through the downpour.  I now know, that is the sign for rain.  I had no clue they knew that sign or what the sign for rain even was, but one of their signing books was open (right to that page) on the floor when we got back inside so now we all know how to sign "rain". 

Lemonade out of lemons. 

We made it to the back door, only to find it locked.  We went around to the garage - I had closed the door.  One last mad dash took us to the front door - which was locked.  We were now stranded.  Locked out of the house and standing in the pouring rain. 

I'm lying.

The front door was open so we came inside.  Still, plan three = fail.

Plan four: drink until I pass out and wait for Mama to come home.  I'd never gotten to plan four before, and I just couldn't bring myself to drink that much.  I thought to myself:

Self - What is the stupidest thing you can do now? 

Self replied:

They seem to enjoy bath time - let's try that!

I wasn't thinking.  I was out of good options so I decided this would suffice.  I gave the sign for bath (another one I now know) prematurely.  Fail. 

I grabbed the loudest screamer and struggled with her until I was able to get her changed and dressed only in a diaper. 

I now grabbed the lesser screamer, who had become the greater screamer, as she pounded on the bathroom door waiting for her bath. 

One wiff was all I needed to know that this would not be easy.  Blowout.  Fortunately it was contained, but just barely. 

I could hardly hear her screaming as her sister had now picked up where she left off, banging on the bathroom door.  Both girls were now diaper clad and ready to bathe.

Typically, Mama would be getting the bath ready while I was getting the girls ready.  I didn't think about this ahead of time.  The girls and I were now in the bathroom and I was totally unprepared for a bath.  I ran the water and tossed in their toys.  They were so excited to get into the tub. 

Their screams were making it impossible to think. 

I put them in the tub.

Fail.  Diapers were still on.  Pick up one, remove the diaper, return to water.  Repeat. 

Fail.  The running water had encouraged them to empty their bladders.  I now have two girls in the tub and no clean diapers.  In addition to this, I realized I also didn't have their towels (still in the dryer), washcloths (also in the dryer), clean pajamas (in the changing room), or my drink (in the kitchen).

I ran throughout the house to gather everything, pausing only momentarily, to freshen up my drink, and returned to find them right where I left them. 

I lied again. 

I wasn't about to leave them alone in the tub, for anything other than my drink. 

One more lie.  The drink was already in the bathroom.  That, amazingly, is the one thing I remembered.

The actual bath itself went fine. 

We got ready for bed, read from our Bible, had a glass of brandy, and went right to sleep - 45 minutes earlier than we should have. 

It is amazing how a little bit of brandy can put a baby right to sleep. 

I am the baby in this scenario - my girls got milk as usual.