Odds and ends

Little Miss Ruby has officially started jabbering away.  Now, with four ladies in the house talking, I'm not sure when I'll be able to get a word in.  With that in mind, I thought I'd share some of the more interesting things heard around my house this week.

After telling Brynne to lay down, stop talking, and go to sleep, she replied - "Yes sir.  Papa, why are boys called Sir and girls are called Ma'am?"  That was a heck of a question, especially at 9 PM after a long day.  The best I could do was to tell her I'd find out and let her know in the morning...which I forgot to do, so I'm sure she'll follow up shortly.

When I got home from work, Hadley informed me "I'm so glad your home from work.  And I'm glad to have a best friend named you."

One day a few weeks ago, Hadley had to go to the doctor for a follow up appointment.  I took her and Brynne, then went to the office with them in tow.   Before bed that night, Hadley told me "it was a grand day" while Brynne said "today was an extra special day.  Thank you for taking me to work with you.  Can we go again tomorrow?"

Two worker bees, hard at work.

Every night before bed they ask me to tell them a secret, and every morning when I get them up, they repeat the secret back to me.

Mama set Ruby down in the dining room the other night as she had to go run an errand.  The girls and I were playing in the same room when Hadley suddenly yelled "RUBY IS DOING BIG ADVENTURES!"  Sure enough, Ruby was coming to us to play, by army crawling under the table.  You can read all about BIG ADVENTURES here and here.  The most common one is still to crawl under the chairs in the dining room. 

Following a long day with a short nap, Hadley was beside herself and not wanting to go to bed.  Tears were flowing.  Screaming and crying could be heard miles away.  When I asked her what was wrong she told me "I didn't get to hold you enough today."  That might have gotten her five minutes of snuggle time.

Ruby, with a large bite of pumpkin, applesauce, and cinnamon in her mouth, told me "BUH", and then I was wearing pumpkin, applesauce, and cinnamon.

When I get smile like this, I don't mind wearing dinner.

Random quotes:
Papa, you're a sweaty mess.
Papa, when you come in the house, you have to put your shirt on.
Papa, we don't wear shoes in the house.
I think she formissed us.  (Combination of forgot and missed).
Can we help you pick up walmuts? (walnuts).
Papa, here's a stick.  We HAVE to take it to the burn pile.

"Papa, we were being silly"

What a great service

I got a call today from our health insurance carrier, or rather, someone they contract with.  This company offers health coaching.  It is included in my plan so there is no additional cost.

What, you may ask as I did, is the benefit of having a health coach?

The coach can help you with any questions you may have.  It could be living a healthy lifestyle, smoking cessation programs, reducing stress, access to a dietician, tips to improve your total health and reduce your overall medical costs.

Maybe we could get this coach!

You name it and they can do it!

Sounds interesting, and it's free.  The only thing I had to do was confirm the year in which my daughter was born. 

Ruby, that is.  They were offering to coach a newborn to better health.  I should've put her on the phone.

They were so concerned with the health of my family they wanted to get my two month old to stop smoking, eat better, exercise more, and maybe, just maybe, cut down on her medical expenses.

That's interesting.  I'm not exactly sure how they were going to keep her from catching a virus and being admitted to the hospital, but apparently they were willing to try.  They "work with people of all ages". 

HA!

I assume they've called Mama as well, since she blew through her deductible three days into the year giving birth.  Birthing a child, in case you didn't know, is something you can avoid with a healthy lifestyle.  But you'll need a coach to do that.

I'm not a candidate for a health coach currently, even though I am probably the unhealthiest member of my family.  Guess I'll need to come down with an expensive illness if I want to be considered.

Hello there, DCFS

Children say the strangest things.  Sometimes they just conjugate poorly and sometimes they simply just use the wrong words. 

I think this says it all.

Mama took Hadley to the pediatrician a few weeks ago as she was struggling through a nasty cough and fever.  The night before, she had been coughing so hard I had to take her to the guest bedroom, prop her up on some pillows so she could breathe easier, and lie there with her so she wouldn't wake up in a strange room and be totally freaked out.

SIDEBAR:  If you've ever slept next to a toddler, you know you don't actually sleep.  When I wasn't wide awake from the fear of rolling over on her, I was being assaulted by her amazingly strong and accurate "jimmy leg" kicking.

At one point, I had her propped up length wise on the bed, with the wall serving as her support on one side to keep her from falling out of bed while I was on the other side.  Somehow, she managed to turn herself so her head was facing the support wall and the rest of her body was lying width wise across the bed.  She's 40 inches tall, so on a standard full size bed this left little room for me.  I was now trying to avoid her dangerous feet while dangling over the side of the bed.

Back to the main story.  While sitting in the pediatrician's waiting room, she not so quietly mentioned to her Mama

"I slept in bed with Papa last night and he didn't have any clothes on." 

Fortunately, there was nobody else in the room.  Can you imagine the reaction you might have had if you'd heard a three year old make that statement?  If someone had heard that, I can only imagine how long it would've taken before there was a knock on my front door from someone with a clipboard, standing next to a large police officer.


This is what comes to mind when I think about what she said.

This might be too much information, but for the record, I do not sleep in the nude.  I don't wear a shirt, but I hardly think that constitutes not having any clothes on.  Guess we'll have to spend a little more time on definitions going forward.

First failure

I thought I'd share my first failure as a father today.  Quick story.  Hope you enjoy.

The first time I was feeding Brynne was within 12 hours of her being born.  The nurse came in while I was holding Brynne and told us we needed to feed them.  She gave me a four pack of formula, instructed me on which nipple I should use, and then directed me to give her two.

I looked at the four ounce bottle, thought it seemed like a lot of food for a newborn, but started the feeding process. 

I can't possibly tell you everything that was going through my mind, but I was a little overwhelmed.  It was such a blessing to be able to feed my daughter.

Brynne took down the first bottle eagerly.  I removed the nipple, put it on the second bottle, shook it well, and resumed the bonding/feeding. 

She got through about three ounces and then stopped.  I tried to encourage her to eat more, but she was not having it. 

Since I'd never read anything about feeding, and had no clue what I was supposed to do, I decided to do the only thing I had ever seen on TV or in the movies - I burped her. 

As I held her to my shoulder and patted her back, she unleashed a glorious burp.  I thought I was done and felt pleased I could help.  I held her up to look at her...

then she threw up.

Not a little.  This was a large vomit.  Fortunately, I had a blanket on me which caught everything.

The nurse came back in as I was cleaning up and seemed surprised at the amount of vomit she produced. 

The nurse asked how much I gave her.  I sheepishly admitted she hadn't finished the two bottles.  I asked if I should try again or wait.  I failed in my first fatherly duty.

The nurse looked a little shocked.

I didn't understand why she looked so appalled.

As she went on to explain, I was supposed to give her two OUNCES of formula, not two BOTTLES.

I wanted to smack the nurse.  Instead of doing that, I merely asked her to be a little more specific in the future when giving instructions to me or any other new parent. 

I don't think I can take all the blame for this failure.  Actually, I think I can take very little responsibility for this, but since I failed to ask a question, I suppose some of it falls to me.

Torn

During the first six months of our girls' lives they didn't sleep well.  That's an understatement.  They cat napped at times during the day, and did basically the same at night.  Nobody in our house slept longer than an hour or two at a time with any consistency.

After visiting the baby whisperer (our nickname for the sleep specialist) we finally put the poor sleeping habits to bed.  Please forgive me for the pun.  I am a little slap happy after no sleep last night.  I thought it was punny, so I'm leaving it.

Our sleep specialist's name might have been Brooklyn.

I love it now that they sleep from 7 PM to after 7 AM every night/morning. 

I love it that they take a couple hour nap in the afternoon. 

I loved being home to get them up in the morning when they would wake before 7.

Yes, that is past tense.  They are sleeping in until after I leave now.  I rarely get to see all my girls in the morning before I head out to work. 

I miss walking into their room and hearing them excitedly say "Papa, Papa!". 

I miss scooping them up for hugs and kisses. 

I even miss changing them so Mama doesn't have to.

I've considered making a loud noise or just walking into their room to wake them up some mornings.  I don't do that as it would be incredibly selfish and unfair to everyone but me.  But I still think about it.

Not cool when Mama and kiddos are sleeping.

Is it wrong that I sometimes secretly wish they would wake up on their own early enough for me to greet them?

A story from long ago

I read This Daddy's post about pain medicine, and couldn't help but think back to my own experience.  I thought I'd share it here as it, in my opinion, is a pretty good story. 

CHIIIEEEFFF!!!

I had back surgery over ten years ago.  The surgery itself was supposed to leave a scar the size of an eraser you would find on the end of a pencil.  It ended up being the length of an eraser you would use on a chalkboard since they had to cut through (and subsequently reattach) the muscles in my back to completely fix everything.  As it turned out, the surgery was not as "simple" as the surgeon originally thought; he found more damage in need of repair once he got me opened up.

When I got home, after a brief 23 hour visit to the hospital for the procedure, I had Vicodin and muscle relaxers waiting for me.  Even with the medicine I was in pretty bad pain.  I couldn't lay down, because I couldn't get back up on my own.  I didn't realize this, unfortunately, until the middle of the night when I had to visit the little boy's room.  I made it, but just barely, and it really hurt.  Let me clarify - getting to the bathroom hurt, not the act of pottying.

For the next few days, I lived in a recliner.

On the second day after surgery, I ate a little breakfast, popped my pills, and settled back in my throne to watch Sportscenter.  For those of you that aren't familiar with ESPN's lineup back then, they basically replayed Sportscenter every hour from 6 AM to noon, and then would loop a new one from 4 PM to 6 PM.

On this particular day I started watching Sportscenter at 7 AM.  I planned to watch just one episode and then put in a movie.  All I remember from that day is watching the first half of the 7 AM show and the second half of the 5 PM show.  The rest of the day was gobbled up by the pills.  At some point I did take my next dose of medicine, but I can't say that I recall doing it. 

That concerned me a little - especially when I saw that I had made a few phone calls, returned some emails to clients, cooked myself a pizza, ate the pizza, and left the oven on.  I also, apparently, had a beer or three with lunch.

That night I was watching a basketball game with my wife.  Florida State was playing somebody.  In the middle of the first half my wife asked me a question.  In the middle of the second half I realized someone was lecturing me on the culture of numerous American Indian tribes.

As I sat there watching the game, listening to this idiot ramble on with no apparent end in sight or real point to be made, I realized I knew some of what he was saying to be true, but most of it sounded as though he was making it up on the spot. 

I checked the TV to make sure I wasn't hearing one program and watching another.  As I turned the channel to something else, the guy kept talking.  I turned off the TV, and all the stereo components and still this guy spoke.

I went to the bathroom and this guy went with me.  He was talking right behind me the whole time.  How was this happening?  The bathroom was a half bath, with no room for two people, yet even with the door shut I could hear him plain as day. 

I didn't see anyone.

It was truly bizarre.

As I returned to the living room he came with me.  I started to argue a point with him and then it hit me.  I asked my wife one question:

"How long have I been talking about Indians?" 

"Since I asked you if you cared who won this game - about 45 minutes ago" she replied.

Even thought the pain was great, I decided to quit taking the Vicodin/muscle relaxer combination.

It was kinda like what John went through.

Can you blame me?

The power of the media or standard operating procedures?

A friend of mine, and his wife had to take their young daughter to the ER a few weeks ago, because she had an issue "down there".  They were given the "third degree" about what happened. 

It wasn't quite like this

Was it just the father present, the mother, both, or someone else when this happened?

Have they had any visitors recently?


Does she go to daycare?


Are there any male siblings?


Are there any female siblings that have had the same or similar experience?

He anticipated these questions due to the nature of the injury.  He did not anticipate being asked them repeatedly in different forms to see if his story remained the same. 

Don't get me wrong, neither he, nor I, were upset that these questions were asked.  We both agreed that the ER staff was totally justified in asking them to ensure it was truly an accident, and not an indicator of something more. 

What we wondered was this:

Are these questions being asked more often lately due to the publicity from the Syracuse and Penn State debacles? Or have they always been asked like this?

Neither of us have any experience with this, so I thought I'd post the question here and see if there are any of you who have been down this road or just have thoughts about it. 

Does the media sway the medical communities' actions?

I'd love to get your thoughts on these two questions.

'Tis the season

What a way to start the month!  Here's how the morning of December 1st went for me.

3:00 AM - Laying in bed - still awake.  Don't know why I can't sleep, but I can't.  I decide an extra hour of sleep is more important than getting up at 5 AM to work out, so I turn off the alarm.

Soooo sleeeepy

6:15 AM - I'm awake.  Not just awake, but wide awake.  Mama has left to workout, the house is silent, yet I'm awake.  I get up and take the dogs out.  Like an idiot, I forget it's December so I only have a t-shirt and sweats on.  It is freezing outside and each dog decides to take longer than ever to do their business.

6:45 AM - Not only am I freezing, I am also starving.  Going to make breakfast or get a glass of milk, but I can't eat or drink anything since I have to fast for my annual blood work.

7:10 AM - The girls wake up and appear to have their eye infections back.  I wrestle with each of them for a bit to clean out the eye boogers, wipe their noses, and put in their eye drops.  I am now the bad guy and both of them scream if I come near them.  They run to Mama and I don't get my usual hugs and kisses before I head out the door.  Awesome.

7:25 AM - My new phone is giving me fits.  I'm trying to call someone, but their number is not showing up in my contact list.  I have to switch to a different contact list.  I still don't see it.  They are a Facebook friend, though, so I hit the little icon to see if the number is listed there. 

As I'm doing this, apparently, I swerve slightly over the center line - and a cop is behind me.  He turns on his lights and pulls me over.  I'm less than a mile from home.  I set my phone down to get my license and registration ready, as well as to find the paperwork that proves the car is a loaner from Nissan.

Cop - Why are you driving erratically?

Me - I was trying to call a friend and couldn't find his number.

Cop - Can you show me your phone?

Me - Sure. 

I turn the screen of the phone on only to learn that hitting the little icon doesn't pull up any data, it takes me to Facebook.

Cop sees Facebook on the phone and decides to write me a ticket.  I hit the back key to show him that I was on my contacts and didn't mean to log on to Facebook. 

Cop - Either you're getting a ticket for using an electronic device while driving or for improper lane usage.  They're the same cost, so I'll just give you the electronic one.

Me - I had a burning desire to ask why he felt like being an enormous piece of crap this morning, but I wisely kept my mouth shut.  After all, he was just doing his job and while I was looking to blame someone other than myself, I was the one who messed up.

As an aside, I do use my phone for non-phone purposes (navigation system, Pandora, checking e-mail, etc.) while driving so I guess I've earned this one over the years.  It just sucks that I got it at a time when I truly was not breaking the law.

8:10 AM - My loaner car goes from telling me I have 60 miles left to drive before running out of gas to ---.  I'm on the interstate and no gas stations are close.  For the next four miles I am waiting for the car to shut down.  It finally does.  Fortunately, I am coasting into the gas station as the gas tank goes completely dry.

So helpful

8:25 AM - I get to the office just in time for my annual wellness exam.  The nurse is taking my blood pressure and expresses concern over a 148/98 reading.  I tell her about my morning so far and she recommends I come back a bit later to retest. 

Finally, a bit of good news.  My triglycerides are down 55% from last year.  Still a little high, but significantly improved thanks to a change in exercise habits.

9:15 - I get sucked into a black hole of a discussion that benefits nobody and ends with no plan of action.

10:30 - I'm tired.  I want to go home.  The nurse is gone so I can't recheck my blood pressure.  Not that it matters, the Mt. Dew I chugged probably wouldn't help matters.

If this is a sign of what's to come this month, I think I'll hibernate.

Anyone remember the Hibernol commercial?

Croup

(Sung to the beat of Shoop, from Salt-n-Pepa)



Here they go, here they go, here they go again
Girls, what's your weakness? Coughin

Ok then,

chillin', chillin', mindin' my business
I heard the monitor and I couldn't believe this
I swear, I stared, Julia my witness

My girls were coughing kinda
Wicked, wicked, have to kick it

I'm not shy so I gave them some benadryl

A doctor? No, that don't make me
We need sleep so I dose them swiftly

Croup, croup ba-doop
Croup ba-doop
Croup ba-doop ba-doop ba-doop

Don't want no croup, baby.

Too late.  Both girls have it. 

You can stop singing now. 

Nights are awful.  Cool air humidifier, steamy shower, walks in the cold night air, ibuprofen, benadryl, honey elixir - none of these are working. 

Waking up (assuming they actually got some sleep) with their hair stuck to the snot that's drained from them overnight can't be much fun. 



At least we have Boogie wipes for this.  These have a magical formula that destroys dried snot on contact...more potent than regular wipes, Formula 409, or straight bleach.

It could have been worse...

...it could have been Friday the 13th instead of the 12th. 

They (whoever they are) say that bad things come in threes.  After today, I fully believe it. 

Bad thing #1 - Morning came too early.

photo credit here

Hadley is cutting all four incisors at the same time.  They woke her up at 5:30 AM, and she did not go back to sleep.  At 5:45 I went and got her.  At 5:47 she fell asleep on Mama. 

It wouldn't last.

I looked over five minutes later, and she was staring right back at me.  She gave me a little smile.  I tried to pick her up and move her back to her bed, but she was not having it.  She wailed until she got back on Mama, but she never fell back asleep. 

I had been looking forward to sleeping in after a long week - and by sleeping in I mean 7 AM.  It was only slightly more than an hour, but I sure would have loved it.

Bad thing #2 - Brynne got in a fight.  She lost. 

We were at the doctor's office for their 18 month check-up. While waiting for the doctor to come in the girls were playing.  Brynne came running back across the room. 

She tripped. 

She slammed, face-first into a chair that was butted up against the wall. 

The corner of the square metal chair leg she slammed her head into only had a small dent in it, but her face is broken.

To add insult to injury - she still got a shot.

Bad thing #3 - A visit from the local fire department. 

The girls had just gone to sleep when our smoke detector went off.  It's right outside the girls' room, so I scrambled to shut it down before it woke them up.  I reached up for it, and was preparing to dismantle it, when I heard the alarm from another room. 

I left this detector and went to our room, where the carbon monoxide detector resides. 

Sure enough, it was screaming.  I took it down and popped the batteries.  The alarm was not the one chirp/beep every 30 seconds that tells you the batteries are dying.  

It was the actual alarm sound.

I still changed the batteries, just to be sure.  The alarm stopped, but we decided to call the fire department just to be safe.

They came out and checked our house.  Everything was fine, and they found no trace of carbon monoxide.

Fireman number one had some helpful advice. He told us to have one detector on each level of the house, and to put them as close to the floor as possible. 

Fireman number two went through the checklist of everything they searched and we signed off saying nothing was found. 

Fireman number three just had this to say: How long have your girls been asleep? 
Me: About an hour. 
Fireman number three: Maybe you should go in and check on them just to be sure they're only sleeping.

What a pleasant thing to hear near the end of my day.