The art of negotiation

Brynne is a fantastic negotiator.  When I make an offer, she is quick to counter with her own terms.  In working through the actual negotiation she is concise and clear with what she wants.

I don't make her wear a costume, but I have offered her door #2.

Unfortunately for her, she doesn't understand the basic principle.  Follow along here and see if you can find where she goes wrong.  Brynne in red, me in black.

Please finish your chicken.

I don't want to eat chicken, I just want a cookie.

If you eat two more pieces of chicken, then you can have your cookie.

No.  Three more pieces.  (She also holds up three fingers, just to make sure I see her terms).

You drive a hard bargain, but I agree to your demands.  If you eat three more pieces of chicken you can have a cookie.

Okay. 

She then eats her three bites of chicken and gets a cookie. 

For those of you not seeing what went wrong in her process, I'll shed a little light on the art of the negotiation.  Typically, when negotiating, the goal is to give up less in order to get what you want, or at the very least, get more for the same amount you're offering.

She could've asked for one bite of chicken to result in the receipt of a cookie.  Conversely, she could've asked for two cookies in exchange for two bites of chicken.

For now, I'll let her negotiate this way, but as soon as she starts dealing with a third party I'll step in and give her a lesson or two.

Potty mouth

So I had a very interesting discussion with one of my little ladies last night.  She was walking around, in obvious need of some potty time, but not willing to do it.  Her words are in black, mine are in blue. 

Do you need to poop?

No, I pooped today.

Really?

No, I pooped last night.

Really?

No.

Do you want to try and poop?

No.

What if I tickled you until you pooped, would that be okay?

No.  It would get all over my pants, and we don't poop in our pants.

That is true.

And the carpet.  We don't want to get poop on the carpet.

Also true.

AND THERE ARE BOOKS ON THE CARPET!  THE POOP WOULD GET ALL OVER THE BOOKS!

Point taken, I won't tickle you.

AND RUBY'S TOYS ARE ON THE FLOOR!! WE DON'T WA  Who wants to play Hungry Hungry Hippos?

ME!


Hippos, the ultimate distraction.

Hello there, DCFS

Children say the strangest things.  Sometimes they just conjugate poorly and sometimes they simply just use the wrong words. 

I think this says it all.

Mama took Hadley to the pediatrician a few weeks ago as she was struggling through a nasty cough and fever.  The night before, she had been coughing so hard I had to take her to the guest bedroom, prop her up on some pillows so she could breathe easier, and lie there with her so she wouldn't wake up in a strange room and be totally freaked out.

SIDEBAR:  If you've ever slept next to a toddler, you know you don't actually sleep.  When I wasn't wide awake from the fear of rolling over on her, I was being assaulted by her amazingly strong and accurate "jimmy leg" kicking.

At one point, I had her propped up length wise on the bed, with the wall serving as her support on one side to keep her from falling out of bed while I was on the other side.  Somehow, she managed to turn herself so her head was facing the support wall and the rest of her body was lying width wise across the bed.  She's 40 inches tall, so on a standard full size bed this left little room for me.  I was now trying to avoid her dangerous feet while dangling over the side of the bed.

Back to the main story.  While sitting in the pediatrician's waiting room, she not so quietly mentioned to her Mama

"I slept in bed with Papa last night and he didn't have any clothes on." 

Fortunately, there was nobody else in the room.  Can you imagine the reaction you might have had if you'd heard a three year old make that statement?  If someone had heard that, I can only imagine how long it would've taken before there was a knock on my front door from someone with a clipboard, standing next to a large police officer.


This is what comes to mind when I think about what she said.

This might be too much information, but for the record, I do not sleep in the nude.  I don't wear a shirt, but I hardly think that constitutes not having any clothes on.  Guess we'll have to spend a little more time on definitions going forward.

Fury and Fun, Part 2

If you didn't read the first part of this, you'll need to go back and do that.  Now, the rest of the story.

Part of my frustration that evening had come from little things I noticed.  A basket of laundry needing to be folded and put away.  A load of wash needing to go to the dryer.  Another load waiting to be cleaned.  Yet another load in the dryer, waiting to be removed.  The dish washing machine's red light on, which meant dishes were clean and needed to be put away.  Dishes stacked on the counter, waiting to be loaded into the washer.  Toys scattered everywhere in the toy room.  Trash can overflowing.

This is not our house, but gives you an idea of what I was seeing.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not throwing Mama under the bus for slacking on housework.  This just happens when you have five members of a family and only one of them can keep the peace at home during the week.  She had her hands full, and I could tell with just one look she'd done everything she could not to explode that day.

I really wanted to spend some time with Ruby and Mama that night, just hanging out and relaxing.  That couldn't happen if one of us spent the entire evening doing chores.  And then it hit me.

Let's make a game out of this!

I knelt down next to the girls and asked if they were ready for a BIG adventure, to which they instantly replied YES!

So we did.

"Our first big adventure, is to crawl under the chairs in the dining room.  GO!"

We raced to the dining room and all of us crawled through the chairs and under the table.  They made it through easier than I did, but I still made it through.

"Our next big adventure is to tickle Mama's feet.  GO!"

The girls raced to the plant room (we call it a plant room instead of the TV room due to the ginormous plant Mama has there.  Plantzilla has been known to eat small animals, which is why we never leave Ruby alone near it) and informed Mama we were there to tickle her feet.

As I started thinking of another adventure, I realized the girls didn't care what it was, they were just happy to be doing something different.  So I took a chance. 

"Our next big adventure is to empty the dishwasher.  GO!"

We dashed to the kitchen and unloaded the dishwasher.  As we were wrapping up, Hadley started reloading it, so we crossed those two items off my list.

Dishes are done, dude!

The rest of the adventures, if memory serves, occurred in this order:

Going behind the couch and jumping up, yelling boo!
Putting the clothes from the dryer into the laundry basket, the washer into the dryer, then reloading the washer.
Covering ourselves with pillows from the couch.
Picking up the toy room.
Going to stand in the downstairs shower.
Tickling Mama's feet.
Taking the clean clothes upstairs and putting them away, room by room.
Getting under the covers on Mama and Papa's bed.
Getting ready for bed.
Hiding in a closet.
Getting in the upstairs shower.
Going back downstairs to give Mama a hug and a kiss, as well as to tickle her feet.
Crawling through the dining room chairs.
Going to bed.

By the time we got to bed it was after their bedtime, but that was fine.  We read their bible, prayed, and they fell instantly to sleep.  I got to spend the night relaxing with Mama and Ruby, and even got my brandy.

Since then, we've done the BIG adventures a few times, but not too often to make it lose the appeal.  The girls have started coming up with their own ideas.  Brynne's eyes get wide as can be, while she tells me

"The nexxxxxt biiiiiiiiig abenture isssssssssssssss....to tickle Mama's feet!"

She's usually off and running before completing the sentence.  The other night, she even came up with her own original adventure...to go outside and look at the moon and stars.

Check Yo Self

It's not easy for a guy like me to empathize with the daily life and routine of Ice Cube, but we still have some similarities. 

We go way back.

Unlike Mr. Cube,  (I call him Ice) I don't drop bombs on ya moms, have intercourse with car alarms, do foul crime, have the indo, sit in a house of pain, headbutt ya, or have people call me Doughboy.  So what do we have in common?  We both have to check ourselves.

I've mentioned before how these little ones of ours listen to everything we say, even if they don't do what we mean.  Now, it would seem they are comprehending everything we say, and deliberately not doing what we say.

You might be asking yourself

How can you know what a three year old comprehend and what they don't?

Simple.  When (notice I did say "when", and not "if") I do something I've told them not to do, they call me on it.

Just a few examples from the last week.

Proper usage of a chair:

The girls have been told countless times when they sit on a chair they are to sit on their bottoms at all times.  The ceilings in our house are 11.5 feet high.  In the kitchen, the cabinets go almost all the way to the top.  As tall as I am, I still cannot reach the top shelves.

As I look for a vase to put some flowers in, I realize the perfect one is on the top shelf (more to come on this at a later date).  The girls are eating, so I pull my chair over, step up on it, step to the counter, and reach for the vase.  Yes, even I have to stand on the counter to reach things.  As I start my descent, Brynne asks me a question:

"Papa, are we supposed to stand on chairs?"

I reply

"You are not allowed to stand on a chair, but Papa can" 

She then asks me

"Why?"

I won't get into the rest of the conversation that took place.  I never made it to the point of using the age-old parenting response

"Because I said so"

but I was close.

Footwear:

Inside our house, as we've done for a long time, we don't wear shoes.  Mama says it has something to do with germs and dirt, or something like that, so we don't.  The girls are very good about taking their shoes off as soon as they come in.  Occasionally, they'll wander off the rug and have to be called back.  This typically sounds like

"Hadley...shoes."

As I said in my last post, the house is almost 150 years old.  Back then, they didn't dig out the basement, pour a concrete foundation, put up drywall and lights, and make it into a den or playroom.  They simply dug out enough room to create a cellar and allow for air circulation.  Our basement floor is dirt.  The walls are bare brick, and although there are three distinct rooms, in only a small part of it can anyone actually stand up.

It does contain everything you'd typically find in a newer home:  electrical panel, copper pipes that run from nowhere to nowhere, boiler, mostly disintegrated bath mat of unknown age or origin, hot water heater, pump for the well (which hasn't been used for thirty years), water sanitizer (which hasn't been hooked up for thirty years, but amazingly still had some of the nastiest water in it you'd ever seen - ironic since it's sole function is to clean the water), water softener (common theme - not hooked up for a long time, but full of salt, which has fused together to form one huge salt block), bins for storing coal, and a toilet brush from 1950.  All pretty common if you ask me. 

Hmmm, where was I going?  Oh, right. 

If these are the stairs you were imagining, you are slightly off.  The house isn't that old.

You can access the basement by stairs on the inside of the house or by going through the cellar door from the outside.  On a particularly frigid day, I had been working outside and intended to do some work in the basement.  As I opened the external cellar door and headed down the steps, I realized I hadn't unlocked the door to the basement from inside, and wouldn't be able to actually get into the basement. 

I went around to the front door and headed in.  I actually contemplated taking off my shoes before crossing the 15 feet to get to the inside basement door.  Because I had on several layers of clothes, I thought it would just be easier to leave my shoes on as opposed to taking off the layers, then the shoes, then putting them all back on before I went downstairs.

Since Mama was not in sight, I decided to make the walk through the house wearing shoes.  They were clean enough, and really, it was only eight steps.

About the time I took my sixth step I heard a little voice from behind me saying

"PAPA...SHOES"

When I looked back, I found Hadley there with a huge grin on her face.  I said "OOPS!" and finished my walk of shame to the basement. 

Oops is now one of her favorite words.

When I was growing up I never really understood the concept that parents were allowed to do things children weren't.  Because I "insert the appropriate phrase here" (said so/am the grown up/am bigger than you/pay the bills) never stopped me from trying to do everything grown ups did. 

I am realizing my girls may have picked that up from me.

Success or failure?

Mama left this morning before getting the girls ready.  At the last minute, I had her lay out some outfits for them to wear. 

Unfortunately, the girls got to them before I did and I couldn't tell if the outfits they presented me were mismatched or not.

I had two options:

1 - Leave them in their pajamas with their hair flying everywhere and head out in public.

2 - Attempt to match the outfits properly, do something with their hair, and head out in public.

I chose option 2, and I'll let you be the judge as to whether or not I was successful or failed in each category.

Hair

I think I'll call this do "Waterfall"

 Clothes

I'm still not sure if this matches or not.  Maybe Mama set out two shirts and two pants that all go together. 

 Papa's pedicure

The girls didn't know Mama was going to get her toes done, but they asked for blue and purple toes...so I obliged to the best of my ability.  Not bad, for the first toe painting effort in my life.

So what do you think? 

Holiday Tips

This is a repeat from a post done last year.  I thought I'd put it out there in advance of the holidays to give people time to prepare themselves.

Ahhh! The holiday season is upon us once again.  In case you've forgotten from last year (and the year before, and the year before, etc.), it's the time of year we all go crazy.  Everything we do is done to excess.  Here are a few things you might want to pay a little more attention to this year - some of them may even save or make you money.

Food - meals

If you need a helmet to eat it's probably too much food.

In my experience, most every family has some sort of large meal on or around Thanksgiving and Christmas (or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or Festivus).  For most people, these two meals are the largest meals they will consume all year. 

As everyone knows, the best way to get your body to metabolize this gluttonous meal is to sit on the couch and nap.  Having the TV on will only make the process work that much better.  Carbs and starches magically disappear while sleeping, so if at all possible, do not attempt any form of physical exertion.

Since everyone else that comes to eat will be bringing food, don't bother making or buying anything.  Just show up and eat.  Nobody will know you didn't contribute as long as you don't mention it.  If someone asks, tell them you brought cookies and just dumped them on someone else's tray.

Before you leave, don't forget to take leftovers home with you.  Nobody gets tired of eating the same thing day after day after day.  You'll get to it at some point so don't worry about discovering it in the back of the fridge growing mold in a month.  By all means, load up and save on groceries for January.

Food - snacking

Not only do we gorge ourselves at mealtime, but we are constantly eating between meals.  Here are a few tips to keep in mind. 

1 - Chocolate aids in the digestive process of all other foods, especially those high in fat and cholesterol.  Be health conscious and load up on these. 

2 - Make sure you grab a handful (or two) of whatever salty snack is sitting out all month long every time you walk by the bowl.  Salt is good for you!  It can raise your blood pressure, which makes your heart have to work that much harder, which means your heart is getting stronger.  This additional labor can only continue as long as you feed calories into your body, so keep on cramming food into your gullet.  The only time you should stop is when you lose consciousness fall asleep.

If you find a bowl of something sitting out with no salt, don't immediately blame your host.  Nobody in their right mind buys unsalted foods at this time of year.  The simple explanation is this:  some child got hold of the snack and sucked off all the salt.  They are learning good nutritional habits at a young age, so don't chastise them.  Just grab a salt shaker and reapply.  If you've discovered the problem in time, the treat may still be moist enough to allow the new salt to stick.  Bonus!

3 - Doctors recommend drinking a lot of water, but water has no nutritional value.  Soda (aka pop, coke, soft drinks, colas, soda pops) is made from water - and has other added nutrients.  Don't waste precious cargo space on just water alone, make sure you have some additional artificially-occurring substance blended in with it.  And don't do the diet drinks; everyone knows the sweeteners used to make them cause cancer.

It still counts as one glass in my book

4 - In the spirit of combining things, make sure your soda has plenty of booze in it.  If you're not a booze person, do what you like.  Red wine is actually good for you.  If one glass is good, two has to be better.  The theory holds true - as long as you can hold your wine down.

Americans make or buy more treats during December than the other 11 months combined!  (I made that up, but it sounds good). 

Financials

Feel free to run up your credit card debt to buy as much stuff as possible.  Since housing prices always go up and mortgage rates always go down, you can always roll your credit card debt into a new mortgage and get a lower rate.  A win-win scenario! 

Once you discover all the crap you bought is no longer being used, typically within two weeks, you can start preparing for a garage sale.  No self-respecting garage sale shopper will try to haggle you down on pricing and most will pay more than face value for a semi-used toy with missing parts.  In effect, you have turned a profit on the holiday and can use those funds to buy more decorations as they should now be on sale! 

Win-win-win for team Griswold!

To quote my wife, "Looks like Christmas threw up on their house".

While we're on shopping, don't buy on-line.  Make sure you go stand in lines for hours on end to save the extra $1.47 you would have spent at an e-tailer.  Everything related to the Internet is a scam.  All those sites are doing is getting your credit card information and planning on stealing your money.  While you're at it, better cancel all credit cards, just to be safe.  Take your money out of the bank and only use cash.

Better safe than sorry.

If you're not much of a shopper, just get gift cards.  Everyone appreciates a $20 card to somewhere they'd never eat or to a regional store that doesn't exist where they live.  Nothing says "I cherish our relationship so much that I spent 12 seconds thinking about what to get you this year" quite like a prepaid Visa card.  And don't bother with wrapping it.  Any old envelope will do.  The best are reply envelopes which are typically enclosed in credit card offers.  Even though you won't be getting a credit card, you can still use the envelope and save some more cash.
 
Scheduling

You can make anything work if you try.  Visiting three different locations in one day is easy.  Not only do you get to buy gifts for three sets of people (and therefore get three sets in return to resell), you get to eat three times the amount of food and take home three times the amount of leftovers! 

Aside from family gatherings you can also plan on attending office parties, fundraisers, children's performances, get togethers with friends, and any other number of events you can either get invited to or invite yourself to.  Make sure you go to everything!  You simply cannot miss anything. 

You have the rest of the year to just hang out with your own family and enjoy them, so go ahead and sacrifice now.  You'll be thanking me for it later.

I hope this helps!  I look forward to hearing your success stories in the weeks and months to come!

I wasn't expectng that

Potty training has been going surprisingly well.  We've had very few accidents the past few days.  Actually, almost every time the girls need to go they tell us and head in to do their business.

There are some exceptions. 

This is the portable potty, which we discovered we need to take with us wherever we go as one of our darlings refuses to sit on the big girl potty.

Our innocent little ones seem to now have a strong grasp of what it means to stall.  At night, as they go to bed, they suddenly have the urge to potty. 

I lay them in their beds and as soon as I leave the room, I hear them calling

Papa!  I want to potty!

If I don't go in and let them try, they'll wet the bed, just to spite me.  If I do let them try, they'll sit on the potty for as long as I let them, smirking at me the whole time.  As soon as they say they are done, even though they haven't done anything, I'll put them back in bed, only to hear them once again say

Papa!  I want to potty!

Even if they just went potty, they'll exclaim their desire to go.

Last night was no exception. 

Twenty minutes into the process of trying to get them to go to sleep I had already taken them to the potty four times.  Neither of them had done anything, but why would they, they'd just peed minutes before bed.

Hadley was on the big girl potty while Brynne was on the portable one.  Neither of them doing anything other than sitting there, staying awake.

Then it happened.

We'd been having thunder and lightning for a few hours, and they don't get scared by it.  The brightest flash of lightning I have seen since I saw lightning hit a tree hundreds of yards in front of me a few years ago, lit up the entire world, or so it seemed.  Seconds later, thunder shook my insides. 

Almost immediately, two little girls were off their potties, scooting toward me as fast as they could with their underwear around their ankles.  I was equidistant from them as they started and they crashed into me at the exact same time. 

I was expecting shaking and crying, perhaps a desire to be held while the storm passed, but I was greeted instead by them both saying the exact same thing as I pulled up their drawers and scooped them up:

Papa, I need to go to bed now.

I took them into bed, laid them down, kissed them goodnight, walked out of the room, and they slept the rest of the night.

I'm seriously considering making a DVD of thunder and cranking the surround sound every night they fight going to bed.

Changing the lyrics to fit my needs

OPP, how can I explain it
I'll take you frame by frame it
To have y'all jumpin' shall we be signin' it
O is for Only, P is for Pee/Poop scratchin' temple
The last P...well...that's not so simple
It's sorta like another way to call an outhouse a toilet
It's five little letters that are missin', see it
You sit on it on occasion when you're doing all your trainin'
It seems I need to start the explainin'
Bust it

You know the feelin' when you really just gotta go
And so you sit right down but nothin' at all will flow
You run to potty and sit there but nothin' comes on out
Then you stand up and spray around just like a water spout
It could come from the F to the R to the O to the N to the T
And when that happens it's what we like to call pee pee
But then at times it comes out from the other side
And when that happens all you do is try to run and hide
You leave a "big ole mess" right there in your underwear
And at this point your screaming cause you just don't care

You down with OPP
Only Pee/Poop on the Potty
You down with OPP
No, not really
You down with OPP
Not necessarily
Who's down with OPP
Workin' on Brynne and Hadley

We pump you full of liquids and all the fiber we can
Starting this week we had ourselves a great idea and plan
This three day potty training thing is supposed to work
We follow you around, you might even say we lurk
We need to catch you before you go in you drawers
Because we know it will end up on our nice wood floors
Please little ladies I really wish you would get it down
So Mama's not stuck in the house and can go to town
We hope very soon you will be able to give us hints
Until then we only pray for strength, wisdom, and patience.

You down with OPP
Only Pee/Poop on the Potty
You down with OPP
No, not really
You down with OPP
Not necessarily
Who's down with OPP
Workin' on Brynne and Hadley

So far, potty training sucks.

Holiday Fun

While it was weird celebrating the fourth of July without having the next day off, I kind of like it.  My reason is purely self serving:  I like having Wednesdays off from work.  It splits up the week nicely.

So what did we do to celebrate?

Thanks for asking.  We gave Mama a lot of time to herself.

I got up and got the girls out of bed as I almost always do.  I then proceeded with cooking seven eggs, half a pound of potatoes, half a pound of sausage, and eight pieces of toast.  There was a little bit of sausage left, and that's it.

Mama got her breakfast in bed, but the girls and I stayed out so she could either eat in piece or stay asleep.  She ate, then went back to sleep in case you were wondering.

The girls and I then ran errands (ewands).  Since they have a ton of new words, I'll put them in italics after the actual word just to share.  The errands took up most of the morning, until it was time for lunch, and cosisted of visiting the following locations:

local produce stand (famews maket)

bank (bant)

milk store (mik sto)

veterinarian's office (vefguthsdy ahej)

grocery store (gocery sto)

park (pak)

gas station (gees staton)

When we got home, they entertained one another while I prepared lunch, which wasn't as exciting (or as much) as breakfast (befast), just some leftovers.

They then went to take a nap (nap), but they forgot they were supposed to be sleeping (seeping), so they just chatted for a few hours.

After nap, we picked tomatoes (matoes), played for a bit by rolling dumptrucks (dumptucks) back and forth, read a few of their favorite books (being sure to include this one), and then I grilled apple flavored chicken sausages for them.  In case you're wondering, they ate a combined two and a half sausages to go along with grapes (poople gapes, and not geen gapes) and sweet potato chips.

This was chased with milk (mik), water (wawter), vitamins (pills), and a chocolate chip cookie (kookie) bar Mama made.

We then took our bath (baff), read their Bible (Bible), prayed, said goodnight (nite) to the world, and went to bed.

Mama did join us for some of these activities, so she didn't have a full day off.  She did, however, get some good down time I think.

As for me, I went right to bed and fell asleep immediately for the first time in a very long time.

Julia's always been able to fall asleep quickly, but I can understand how a busy day like this (which is typical for her) can wear you out.

PS - Spell check went nuts when I ran it on this post.  I guess it doesn't translate toddler to English.

Wardrobe malfunction

It was a bit hot this weekend, so we took the opportunity to fill up the "funny ginaffe" (as the girls call it) pool.  When we were done, we went inside to eat, and then on to the bath.

"Funny Ginaffe" gets a lot of laughs at our house from the girls.

I was still a bit warm, so I left my shirt off.

As the girls were playing in the tub, Brynne stopped, pointed at my chest, and asked

What's that?

Yes, Robert DeNiro has nipples too.  But Brynne didn't ask about milking any of them.

I was getting ready to say my chest, when Mama piped in with

Papa's nipple. 

 And then we were off.

Papa's nipple.  Brynne's nipple.  Hadley's nipple.  Mama's nipple?

Every time she said it, she pointed to or touched the person's nipple.  Mama had her shirt on, so Brynne just pointed in the general direction.

Grandma nipple?  Grandpa nipple?  Winnie nipple?  Fiona nipple? Massi nipple?  Massa nipple?  Noodle nipple?  Chloe nipple?

 

Each of these questions Mama replied to with,

Yes, _____ has nipples. 

I just throw this out there in case she comes up to you, points toward (and hopefully doesn't touch) your nipples, and lets you know what they are.  She's not hungry. She's not a perv.  She's not trying to be rude.  She's just showing you she knows what they are.

I asked Mama when we get to the other parts of the anatomy.  Fortunately, she said those can wait.

My potential reaction when they inform me "boys have a penis and girls have a vagina".

Throw your hands in the air...

and wave them like you just don't care!

To my beautiful little girls,

Someday, I hope you see this and remember something I'm trying to teach you.  Be yourself.  Have fun.  Only be concerned with what God thinks, not what people think.  Do that, and you'll be fine.

All my love,

Papa

What would Jesus do and what would I do?

So I came across an article about a father who caught another male (I can't bring myself to call the attacker of a four year old a man, so I'll go with male) sexually assaulting his four year old daughter.  The father struck him in the head until he stopped.  The attacker died.  You can read the full story here.

The main question surrounding this now is whether or not the father will be charged with a crime.

I pray I'm never in this situation, but I also wonder what I would do if I were. 

I'm not a violent person, but I am protective.  Whether it's myself, my property, my family, or anything else I'm strongly attached to, I will defend it.  I also don't have a short fuse.  It takes a lot to get me fired up, but even then, I'm more likely to talk through something than take to physical altercations.

Speaking as a man trying (and failing every day) to follow the path of Christ, I'd like to think I'd have the self control to put an end to the situation without putting an end to the male's life.

Speaking as the sinful man I am, I imagine I would act as judge and executioner in a very short period of time.

Obviously, in the heat of the moment you don't have time to think about all the negative consequences of your actions.   

I'm sure he wasn't thinking about the possibility of his daughter growing up without him as he spent time in jail. 

I'm sure he wasn't thinking about the regret he would be carrying around with him for the rest of his life, knowing he took another life.

I'm sure he wasn't thinking about what impact his actions would have on those people in the attacker's life.

I'm sure he wasn't thinking about any of that as he saw his daughter being attacked.

In fact, I'm almost certain he stopped thinking about anything as the urge to protect his daughter became the only thing on his mind.

Even now, I don't know if it does any good to think about it and what I may or may not do.  You can think about every possible scenario and outcome that may happen to you in life, but when it comes down to it, there are some things you can't practice or prepare for.

For the guys out there, what do you think you'd do?

For everyone, should the father be charged with a crime?

Sharing makes sister happy

Both girls still have a bink with them when they sleep, though Brynne has one with her about 60% of the time she's awake.  She will chew on that thing fiercely, putting holes in it in less than a week.

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, I noticed the tip of it was almost chewed off.  We've run through our supply so had no reservists to call into active duty.  I had three options: let it go, and hope she didn't chew it off in the middle of the night which could lead to a choking hazard; take it away, and be subjected to long bouts of screaming; or tear off the end and see what happened.

I chose to tear off the end.

Bad decision.

She immediately started sobbing and wailing.  "PINK BINK BOO BOO!"  I carried her into bed, fighting her the whole way as she thrashed about.  I set her down, and she stood right up, continuing to let me know what was wrong.  Julia called for me to bring the bink back.

As I entered the changing room, she was smiling.  Hadley was sitting there holding her own green bink, saying "Geen bink, Bynne."

I exchanged binks with her, took the green one to Brynne, and the world was once again right. 

Hadley took the pink bink to bed and just held it in her hand as she usually does with the green one.

Both girls dropped off to sleep with no fussing and the slept soundly.

Everything was wonderful - until this morning.

When I got them out of bed and turned on the lights, Brynne erupted.  In the dark room she had not realized the switcharoo, or had forgotten about it.  As soon as she saw herself holding the green bink, she wanted her pink one. 

Hadley swapped with her gladly.  But then she noticed the damaged pink bink in her hand and went ape shit.

I assured her the situation would be rectified before bed tonight, and that seemed to appease her a bit, but not completely.

Looks like I'm off to Target today to get another replacement, and a back up or twelve.  Someday soon she'll be done with them, but until that day comes, we'll keep replacing the destroyed binks as necessary.

Thanks for the...uh...help?

As I mentioned the other day, the girls are repeating every thing we say.  They are also mimicking our actions.  They so desperately want to be helpful, and they are most times.  A few times, however, they've missed the mark.

Some of the shorter examples of this include putting shoes on the wrong feet, closing doors and drawers that are still needing to be open (fridge, pantry, etc.), and buckling themselves into their high chairs about an hour before a meal is ready.

One other instance will take a bit more explanation - so here it is.

Julia and I each have a glass of water on the nightstand when we go to bed.  In the mornings, we typically dump any remaining water into a plant or the sink, and start with a fresh glass each night.  Brynne has seen this procedure countless times.

Do you drink enough water?

She also sees me putting all my beauty products back into my drawer in the bathroom each morning when I'm done with them.  As they finish each meal, they observe me washing, drying, and putting away dishes.  They've really done an excellent job of learning to pick up after themselves and put everything where it belongs.  Almost. 

I came into the bathroom Monday and slipped in a little puddle of water.  I noticed my water glass sitting on the sink.  Brynne followed me in and had a grin on her face - she was so pleased with herself for helping out.

I grabbed a towel and cleaned up the spillage, praising her for helping and knowing what to do without having first been told.  I then went to get the deodorant out of my drawer.  It was sitting a little higher than everything else.  Actually, it was floating. 

I looked back to Brynne, but she had vacated the premises.  I'm now not sure if that smile was from being pleased or from the satisfaction of a cleverly devised prank.

She apparently thought EVERYTHING went into the drawer.  The good news is the drawers appear to be watertight.  The bad news is that not every container in there is.

I found her in the living room and told her water goes in the sink, NOT in Papa's drawer.  She nodded, said yes sir (which Mama has been working on with them), and went to get a book to read.

Last night, as I was putting them down to bed, I carried them into the bathroom and slipped again.  This time, the puddle was much larger.  This time, there were two water glasses on the sink.  There was no praise now, and there was no smile either.  I opened the drawer to find exactly what I expected - everything again floating on two glasses worth of water.

We had a very one-sided conversation about where water goes.  I then had a one-sided discussion with myself to make sure I remembered to dump out my excess water every morning.

Vocabulary quiz

What a weekend we had!  The girls are now repeating every single thing we say.  Not only that, but they are understanding what the words mean and are able to reuse them appropriately.  Fortunately, I've been able to keep Mama from swearing too much in front of them, so they haven't dropped any inappropriate words, yet.

Looking outside our window, we have fee bidfeebers.  There are constantly mummingbids, yeggo feenches, cawdinalls, and bees hanging around.  Translation of the words in italics - three birdfeeders, hummingbirds, yellow finches, cardinals, and bees.

Just past the bidfeebers, for three days only, we had a POOL!! Pool is a very exciting word for the girls.  You can see them in action at Mama's blog.

They played with grandpapa, grandma, and their dog Chloe.  We taught them grandma and grandpa, but they turned grandpa into grandpapa on their own.  It was so awesome to see them make the connection between a papa and a grandpa, and then speak accordingly.

Words have now become sentences.  Though they are in broken English, we can understand them.  More importantly, other people can too! 

One of their favorite activities is taking the hose, filling up the dog's water dish (when we have them outside), and then carrying it ever so slowly to the dogs.  If they don't drink right away, they'll tell them "Weewee, Siobah, drink wawa" (Winnie, Fiona, drink water).  Then, they'll pick up the dish and move it closer.  The dogs will take a drink, probably to get the girls to stop following them around, but maybe because they were thirsty.

When they're not watering the flowers or mowing with their "wawnmowers", all they want to do is "RUUUNNNNNNNNNN", "HANG TEE" (hang from the tree), and "JUMP"

Hadley strung a six word sentence together for the first time.  She and papa both have skinned knees - mine from baseball and hers from an unfortunate run-in with the sidewalk.  Brynne loves to touch said knees and say "boo-boo".  Mama doesn't like the word boo-boo, so she is working on changing that to sore.  After Brynne touched Hadley's boo-boo sore, Hadley exclaimed "Papa, Hadley, sore knees, NO TOUCH!".

They have also taken up our efforts to keep the pups quiet.  They get the sternest look on their faces and holler "Weewee/Siobah/Chloe NO!".  Even Chloe, who has very little experience with them, quiets down and backs away.

Unfortunately, we did have one negative blip to the weekend.  As we were sitting on the deck at 7:30 or so Friday, we saw a police car drive by very slowly with his window down.  He appeared to be listening intently for something.  Our dogs had been outside for an hour or so, and had barked only when Julia's parents arrived with their dog.  I noticed our wonderful neighbors had been outside moments earlier.  I can only hope the officer was in the area for another reason, but I doubt it.  In case you've missed it, here and here and here is the back story on this.

These terrible twos....

aren't really too bad so far.  We're having a lot of fun watching the girls grow, both mentally and physically.  Here are just a few quick pics from the last week to show you what I mean.

Here are my three lovely ladies, lounging in bed while I get ready to go to work.  Nobody looks ready to get up.

Brynne prefers to be read to while holding the next book...

while Hadley does it just fine on her own.

I let them entertain themselves for half an hour and this is all the mess they could make.  Not typical.

Sassy, just like her Mama.

A beautiful smile, again, just like her Mama.

Great organizational skills!  Though they did hide most of the pieces of a puzzle toy in that big (completely enclosed) speaker.  How they managed to get the pieces in through that little hole in the front is beyond me.  It took 15 minutes and every additional part of the vacuum cleaner, to get them back out, though.

I'm sure it'll get worse, otherwise they wouldn't call it the terrible twos.  For now, we're just enjoying as much as we can.

Happy Thursday!!

Things I've learned recently

Here's another list for your reading pleasure.

1 - A 2-0 fastball right down the middle is the best way to end a "four baseball game in three day" weekend. 

2 - You know you need sleep when it's 8 PM, you're home alone with your sleeping twins, and you come to your senses as you're walking to the car to run a quick errand.  

3 - Seeing a father and child playing catch is pretty cool.  Even if the father is standing halfway down a steep hill and chasing every other throw to the bottom.

4 - A two hour lunch with a client where we talk zero business is the best kind of meeting.

5 - Some people just don't know how to negotiate.  You give and you take, you don't just take. 

6 - The thing you hate most about your own house will be a selling point when you list it, and you will defend it like you would your child.

7 - You may struggle understanding other toddlers, but with your own, most words are clear as can be.

8 - Going a day without seeing your children hurts.

9 - Business travel sucks, especially when you go to a coast from the Midwest and are there less time than you spend traveling there.

10 - Celebrate everything your children do.  No matter how big or how small.  You will remember their smiles more than the event which caused it.

11 - Having a toddler wake up with a dry diaper, then immediately asking to go potty in the actual potty, is so fantastic.

12 - Walking out to the backyard and finding your dog run has collapsed is frustrating.  Especially when you can't tell if the wire has worn out (after only a few years) or if it was cut by someone.

13 - Having both of your girls yell "BOO-BOO" as they stick a finger into the strawberries on your knees is funny and excruciating at the same time.

Thirteen is my lucky number, so I'll stop here.  What a week!

Caught in the act

Hadley rarely gets disciplined.  Brynne, well, let's just say she doesn't get away with much of anything.
Based on that statement, you might think Hadley is an angel and Brynne is a demon.  You're wrong if you're thinking that.  They're both demons, but Hadley is sneaky.  I assume anyone with children has this same issue, so I'll add my foolproof methods to catching the sneaky demon child in the act.

It felt like this when it happened to me, but I can now see the other side of it.

Here are a few scenarios and the corresponding actions to take as a parent:

SCENARIO:  It's nap time.  We can hear the squeaking of the springs in their beds as they jump up and down - a clear violation of rules.  When Julia goes into the room to check on them, she finds Hadley laying down with her eyes closed and Brynne bouncing.  We know they were each jumping, as we can identify the unique sounds their beds make, but Hadley is laying there quietly.

SOLUTION - Burst through the door and don't give Hadley a chance to lay down.  The only downfall is she tries to move quicker, usually resulting in her cracking her head against the side of the bed.  It might be difficult (for the parent) to discipline a child who is already crying, but I know she's faking it and hoping it will get her out of trouble.  Nice try little demon!

SCENARIO:  They're playing in the living room.  We can hear them calling for Winnie and Fiona.  As we enter the room we find Brynne standing on the couch, looking over the back at the dogs, while Hadley is sitting down, trying to look all innocent.  Sometimes, she's gone so far as to have a book in her lap.

SOLUTION:  Since they don't do this when we're in the room, I go outside.  Then, when I look in the window I can clearly watch her.  Someday, she'll figure out I can see inside, but for now, she is oblivious.

SCENARIO:  In most sports, the retaliation penalty is called, but not the initial foul.  Both girls are good at inflicting the first blow covertly.  Hadley can make the payback appear to be accidental contact, such as stumbling into her sister and knocking her down, or swinging a toy without looking to see if anyone or anything is in the vicinity.  Brynne, on the other hand, is just a bulldozer.  You could put a brick wall between them and she'd go all Kool-Aid man on it to get at her sister.

I think the Kool-Aid man is using steroids, not a sugary drink, to get his energy and rage.

SOLUTION:  Not every scenario has a good solution.  Sometimes you just can't catch it all.  Unless we see the first shot, or unless there is evidence of it (bite marks, a hand print, etc.), we might have to let it go.  Soon, the girls will be able to tell us exactly what was done to them, but for now, we are stuck guessing. 

Who am I talking to?

Here is a quick list of things I find myself saying frequently at home:

No.

Sit.

Stay.

No.

Don't eat anything off the floor.

Don't eat grass.

No.

Don't touch the oven.

You need to sit on your bottom or lay down when you're on a chair.

No.

You're not supposed to be in this room.

Don't go to the bathroom there.

No.

Excuse you.

How about some kisses?

No.

Do you want to go outside?

Be quiet.

No.

Can you tell which comments are directed toward a dog and which ones are for children?  I'll give you a hint - anything in italics applies to both.