Wednesday, February 15, 2012

What now?

Well, it finally happened.  After over four years of marriage and two years of raising children together, Julia decided to leave us.  She gave us very little warning.  I always knew it was a possibility, but I am still not prepared for it.  She deals with so much on a daily basis.  I don't know how she manages to put up with two toddlers and an insane husband all the time.  In the end, it was just too much.
Goodbye, my love.

My girls and I watched through the window as Mama drove away.  They didn't fully understand the gravity of what was going on, but I imagine my tears were telling them something was not normal.  I believe they were thinking she is just taking the car and going to get something for us all.  They do not realize she will not be coming back.  They pat me on the back, give me hugs, and then are off to play.

That's right.  She's gone.  Mama is gone.

I appreciate your continued support as I hunt and peck away at the keyboard to tell stories.  I hope I've amused you over the past six months.  I don't know when the humor may return.  I'm struggling through this black period of mourning as the reality sets in.  I apologize for any typos as the tears make the keyboard difficult to see.

I'm alone with my girls.  A newly single father tasked with raising two beautiful girls.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or how I'm supposed to do it, or even if I can do it.

I should've seen this coming.  I should've done more to prepare myself for the possibility. 

We got through dinner, but I'm not ready to do bath time on my own.  I'll need a lot of help, but I don't know where to turn.  I can put them to bed tonight, but what do I do when they wake up and ask for Mama?  They will do that, too.  I know it.  As sure as the sun comes up, they will ask for their mother and then what do I tell them?

Breakfast will come and go.  The same for lunch, and their afternoon nap.  When they get up from their nap, and there is still no Mama, what do I say? 

How can I explain to them that their mother is not around?  How can you explain such grown up concepts of love, loss, and abandonment?  When will they realize she is gone?  When will they wonder if they'll ever see her again?

I pray for her.  I pray she will be safe.  I pray she will do the things she needs to do.

Most of all, I pray she'll come back safely.   
And now, the rest of the story.
I am so thankful she'll only be gone one night.

What did you think I was saying?

I love misdirection.  Oh, how I love it.


Lies said...

Sorry man, you didn't fool me for even ONE second, you were much too lighthearted about it :-)
But still.. nice try! :-P

This Daddy said...

You had me fooled. A$$hole. I was about to cry you jerkoff. Man Im so pissed at you right now. Fooling my dumbass self. I am going to ask your wife to kick you in the balls when she gets back.

But as a lover of good writing...

Fantastic job. And I mean you are a jerk, a$$ with the upmost respect.

Helene said...

OMG, I actually had tears in my eyes as I was reading this. At first, I thought you were joking but then as I continued to read, I was like, "Oh crap, he's serious!!" and then my heart was breaking for you and the girls and feeling bad for Julia, knowing she had to left with such a heavy heart.

Oh man, you suck. But I mean that in a good way, of course.

championm2000 said...

I really thought you were going to say you lost her to Pinterest...

in which case I was going to say you could probably find her somewhere between the toddler crafts and the recipes boards :-)